


Decepticon Justice Diaries

by DarthKrande



Category: Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Fourth Wall, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 01:52:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthKrande/pseuds/DarthKrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DJD meets embedded journalism. And Tarn gets pranked at some point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Decepticon Justice Diaries

\- Vos –  
One think most of our targets ask is the reason we spend so much time killing them. They don’t see the true reason of our work until it’s Kaon’s turn, usually. We’re very dedicated to what we do, but it gets boring to listen to the same questions after a while. Do you wonder why I don’t bother to talk to them anymore?  
Anyway, it is supposedly simple. We show an example.  
Until now, we usually operated quietly, taking out the transgressor elements with only a few chosen witnesses to see their last breems and hear their last pleas. From now on, I will write this diary and record every individual case. I don’t know if it will ever be published, but----

\- Tarn –  
No way will I translate Vos’s every blog entry for him. He wants to have the whole thing not only written, but also published in the Primal Vernacular. As much as I agree with the idea, I don’t think anyone would be held back from frustrating the Decepticon Cause by a bunch of data they don’t even understand. We finally agreed to write a bilingual diary. (Note to self: write a new introduction and translate it back from Neocybex to Primal Vernacular. )  
Yesterday I met a group of humans. What business I have with organics, now you ask. Originally I only wanted to find the one who called me a transformation addict, but the meeting had brought a new and unexpected aspect to our team’s work. Just as Vos said it before (Did anyone understand him?) we were already thinking about giving more publicity to our regular job. Hesitant mechanisms should see what happens to those who provoke our attention. As Megatron had brilliantly said in the season finale of Pri ---

\- Agent 113 –  
Sorry, Tarn, no other-verse quotations. Stay within IDW lines.  
The point of the diary, as those above me had already attempted to write, is to keep a record of how exactly DJD deals with transgressors. We’d already been talking about this before Tarn ran into those humans by what I would call a mere accident. They claim themselves to be war correspondents and they have contact to several companies that had profited from the Great War. To prove themselves they showed some horribly primitive, organic data-bearing media that Tarn states to be surprisingly accurate. (Yet he denies being a transformation addict. I will talk about this with him in private later.)  
Gotta go ----  
\- Tarn –  
Scratch that. Someone’s been hacking the blog again. And no, nobot talked to me about my transformation habits in private, before you would ask.  
Embedded journalism sounds like exactly what we would need for increasing efficiency. We will take our new allies with us to the hunt tomorrow. I’m curious whether they can handle it. I have already warned them that one of our witnesses, for example, fell silent for half a year. Acceptable risk, they said. Their function is communication, I reminded them. Acceptable risk, they repeated. I find their persistance impressive. But how we tolerate them, you ask. Time will tell.

\- Tesarus –  
New additions to the zoo. Kaon has a sparkeater, Tarn now found these troublesome organics. They intended to translate Vos’s way of talking into what they called Shakespearean. Vos immediately made it clear that he will not allow his lines to be translated into any other language. Sometimes not even I understand him. Does he expect human readers to learn ancient Cybertronian?  
But we will get a phase sixer tomorrow. Yummy.

\- Helex –  
The hunt went as expected. We got Black Shadow so fast that the humans blinked and missed it. I had to pose with him just for the record, so did Tesarus and Kaon. What Tarn forgot to tell us was that phase sixers tend to explode in a boom that would put Michael Bay to shame. And I had to parboil him right inside me because of some stupid, lazy drawers and pencilers and inkers and colorists. Kaon keeps searching for Overlord. 

\- Tarn –  
There had been a little conflict over the delay before the job was done. But, to our surprise, the journalists passed their first test. Also, while we waited for the artists to do their part, I had time to share one of my favorite quotes from ‘Towards peace’. The humans reacted very well to it. The one called Markerguru had promised to put that into the comic preview, which contains the most important highlights. I’m already fond of these journalists.  
Helex, on the other servo, did not seem to enjoy the prelonged procedure.  
But nor did Black Shadow.  
Yes, I’m smirking. 

\- Kaon –  
Tarn made me electrocute what turned out to be a badly timed bomb. I’m fortunate that he didn’t go boom when I was holding him.  
I keep searching for Overlord’s signature. One would be surprised how a double powermaster can hide that perfectly. I know that somewhere he is waiting for us to kill him. And I don’t want to make him wait long.

\- Tesarus –  
Black Shadow – check. Overlord is still out of sensor range. We’ll go after a looser currently hiding on some junk planet in the Kol system. I’m a little disappointed, you see.  
The humans spent a whole joor with cooing to Kaon’s pet. “Aww, a sparkeater! Can I have just a portrait of him?” “Hey, why does he look like a turbofox? Did you feed him with turbofox sparks?” “Look, he’s licking my hand! Oh no, he stole my notebook! Helex could you please get it back from him?” “What a lovely little beast you have!”  
BORING.

\- Tarn –  
It turned out that watching us work didn’t leave our journalists unaffected, as I originally hoped. I discovered that their capability of identifying Cybertronians had decreased significantly, to the point they keep mistaking Kaon for Helex. They also couldn’t catch the names of our next two targets. They promised they would manage, though. And they remembered the location we were going to. It is a cold wasteyard with nothing but a few scavengers and our hiding target out there.  
How we travel, they asked. Helex showed them our ship from the outside. What is her name, they asked then. Peaceful Tyranny, Helex replied. They got the reference! Their memories malfunction so much that they are currently unable to remember our sparkeater’s name, yet they could identify and quote our founder’s and lord’s motto.  
I am honestly impressed.

\- Vos –  
Tarn finally sent the humans to Clemency. They’re making interviews with our next target and those he’s currently allied with. I never understood why would someone team up with a Decepticon traitor.  
Later that day we got a message from our one-mech Autobot partner-organization. He’s still in recovery after his confrontation with those headmasters last year, but he says he’d be back to business soon.  
Post scriptum. You should have seen Tarn when he came out of recharge.

\- Kaon –  
The humans are finally on Clemency. Their leader was enthusiastic about those “interesting characters”, I think the only interesting thing about them is that they made it this far.  
Tarn got seriously pranked while he was in recharge. Whoever did it to him, I approve! He should have been glad that we didn’t do it when his pet journalists were still around. 

\- Tesarus –  
Tarn was hilarious when he woke from recharge. He didn’t even notice it until I told him to stay away from the communicube until he took a look in the mirror. Then he was pissed. He was quite entertaining for a while.

\- Helex –  
Poor Tarn. Someone took his insignia-shaped mask and changed it for an Autobot symbol. Even better, he only noticed that something was wrong when he realized Tesarus was smirking at him. Of course, all of us denied to have come up with that brilliant idea, as each of us put the blame on somebot else from the group. No proof, no witnesses. Some say it was the work of the mysterious Agent 113. This time I have to disagree with the boys.

\- Tarn –  
I’m furious. Whoever did this to me, I would like to seriously talk to them.  
Today’s hunt didn’t go well either. How could I expect those miserable scavengers to be of any use for us? Instead of shortening the List, we have to add four new candidates to it.  
Vos got to use his face. He made me so proud when he spoke Neocybex! Like, three words? “Wear my face” he said. The mech is learning. Even the humans were amused by his stunt. Except for one of them who was screaming “Dinobot month! Dinobot month!” all the time. 

\- Kaon –  
The best thing that can happen in an unequal fight like this is finding a real opponent. Only, in our case, the enemy is Overlord and he’s right in the other end of the known universe. You heard that right! I finally picked up Overlord’s signature. No-one has ever seen the DJD leave a battle this fast, Tarn even forgot to quote Megatron’s most often heard retreat signal.  
Oh, and we forgot to bring the journalists aboard before leaving. Not that I would mind.  
(That was the official version, for the record. In fact, Tesarus walked up to the humans when he got bored with the battle, and asked about Overlord’s whereabouts. But don’t tell the others, let them think I’m just that good.)  
(As for the humans, they know where we’re going. I expect them to be there sooner than us. )

\- Tesarus –  
Finally the humans were of some use, which makes up for them being annoying. But after the battle, they could not remember which looser was killed. I told them to wait there until the Necrobot shows up so that they could glance at his notes. They took my advice literally.

**Author's Note:**

> If you would do art of pranked Tarn I'd love you FOREVER.


End file.
